I'm Blue

I think it would be an understatement to say that I have a fondness for the color Blue. From my blog theme to the color of my water bottle, most of the things I possess are blue. Let's see ... I have different hats (topi) - all are blue; I have several pairs of jeans - most are blue; Most of my shirts (causal and formal) are blue; The color of my car was blue (before some sorry bugger stole it); My ja'namaz (prayer mat) is blue; I chose Iqbal House in elementary school because it was, you guessed it!, blue... are you detecting a pattern here?

Most of my desktop wallpapers have a bluish tone (unless they're of a celeb like this :P). I always liked facebook more than orkut because it was blue. Now all that's left is for me to marry someone blue (an Andorian like this one perhaps :P). Ok, that was a trek joke but seriously, does that tell you anything about me or my personality? Besides being overly-obsessed with one color?

Nawaz Sharif Acquitted (AGAIN)

Some time in the future, in a galaxy far far away

In a dramatic turn of events, the Supreme Court of Pakistan ruled today that Nawaz Sharif was born off immaculate conception rather than a normal one, like the rest of us.This latest ruling follows a series of acquittals in favor of the "Sher of Punjab" who helped play an important role in the restoration of Chief Justice Iftikhar Choudhry last year. So, is this a case of CJ paying back? But at what cost? Justice? Our common sense?

It would be interesting to see what Mr. Nawaz would be acquitted of next, and if the Supreme Court keeps this up, he might end up being declared an infallible! Watch this space.

Don't Make Fun Of Grad Students

Here's another one from 30 Rock

Hilarious! :)

Funny

This cracks me up everytime it shows up on facebook :P

I know, I know ... if anything, this is a reflection of us and our dire straits. Don't get me started on that.

Seven Weird Things About America

The US of A can be a pretty weird place for a desi as far as first impressions go. For those who've been here before, you'll totally know what I'm getting at. The fact is, this place is a another world in it's own and no wonder Americans are generally found wanting when it comes to not-knowing-shit about the rest of the world. Some real weird / uncommon / stupid / strange things I've noticed in the time I've been here so far are listed here. Oh, and for those who may get the impression that this is somehow a lame attempt at poking fun at our goray overlords, let me state it very clearly - it's not! kapish?

1. Confederate flags

I'm in North Carolina, a southern state. You'd think that since the North won the civil war, there'd be more of a support for North or remembrance for what North stood for, right? Heck no! Imagine my surprise when I saw a blue-cross confederate flag on car bumpers, rooftops, outside homes etc. etc. It's crazy! It's amazing that some people still choose to wave that flag, after all that South stood for.

2. They use Fahrenheit

I think this is probably the only place in the world still sticking to a temperature scale that makes no sense. Why use it when the whole freaking world runs on centigrade? A 0-100 scale is intuitive; water freezes at zero, boils at hundred. How much simpler can it get?

3. "Zee"

The alphabet Z is pronounced "Zee" as opposed to "Zed". You would think that's pretty straight-forward and, to be honest, it is ... it's just that I can't tell you how many times I've ended up saying "Zed" out loud when spelling out my name at banks, university, shops etc. only to realize later when I noticed the bewilderment on the face of the person on the opposite side of the counter!

4. Stupid commercials

I thought some of our commercials were bad, but wait till you see some of the ones they show here. I mean you could tell they didn't cost much to make but concept-wise, they suck. I'll try and find some of them on youtube or something to show you guys.

5. Fans can run in either direction

This is actually kinda cool. There's a button on a ceiling fan which can make the fan run in opposite direction. An awesome thing for a place which gets lots of summer and winter both.

6. Obsession with trucks

Everywhere you see, there are trucks - freaking huge ones at that. Perhaps this obsession is now taking a back seat to smaller, fuel-efficient cars with the rising gas prices, but you could easily spot trucks more often than nought no matter where you are in the US.

7. Difference with UK English Vocabulary

Americans like to be different. They play different sports, use different temperature scales, use different terminologies to address things, drive on the different side of the road (to name a couple of things). Pubs are bars, biscuits are cookies, petrol is gasoline, current accounts are checking accounts, torches are flashlights ... the list is endless!

So, my friends, while it is a great experience to come here and explore their culture, it does take some getting used to due to the radical differences that exist between our cultures. Diversity is another important thing you get to notice over here. When I went to say my Eid prayers, I was standing in line with people from Africa, India, Middle East and of course Pakistan. It felt great especially when I got to view the universal nature of our great religion first hand. Traveling around the world and meeting new people really helps broaden one's horizons and gives you a new perspective about the world and it's ever-so-different people. That is why, I would love to travel to more places across the globe, if I ever get that chance. It also helps develop a new respect and appreciation for your own homeland, cuz there's no place like it, and it really is something we all should treasure for as long as we live.

The Modern Life

Yup, that pretty much sums up my life on most days (as lame as that may sound).

Obama may lose

You know, anything can happen come November 4th. :)

A cousin forwarded me this funny video below depicting one such scenario:

This and other similar videos have been doing the rounds on the web lately; the other cool one I found was about an ordinary person (like yourself) running for president except that this one is perhaps closer to the present situation as far as the elections go.

North Carolina is one of the battleground states in this election, for the first time in many years and both candidates are neck-and-neck over here. That is why Mr. Obama is speaking in downtown Raleigh right now urging people to vote early. I'm really hoping this state goes BLUE, which would be the first time it's done that since 1976 would you believe! So, fingers crossed over this one.

Girl Runs Away from President Bush

As some on Digg said:

She's not scared, she's just allergic to concentrated stupid.

LOL!

Hasna Mana Hay

Need I say more? :)

Waisay, this would be perfect for a photo caption contest!

Programmers vs. Management

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be a programmer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

--
If you happen to work at a software house like me, you'd know exactly what she's talking about! :)

April Fools' Day on the web

Barring the April Fool prank pulled on us by our own KMB guys (which was good btw), here are some other of the "believable" pranks witnessed around the web on April 1, 2008:

YouDigg - A new collaboration between YouTube and Digg where users can now digg videos to the frontpage.

BBC's Flying Penguins - Film maker and writer Terry Jones discovers a colony of penguins, which are unlike any other penguins in the world - they can fly!

ThePirateBay - They're moving to Egypt - in the middle of nowhere!

Google's Project Virgle - First human colony on Mars! Want to be part of it?

Gmail Custom Time - Apparently, you can now send emails with custom timestamps - in the past.

Google Docs' Paper Plane - They've added a "New Paper Airplane" option to the File menu for Google Docs' word processor, which produces a template for folding an official Google paper plane. This was genuinely funny!

Google Future Search aka Gday - Search into the future with Google's latest innovation.

InfoWorld - Microsoft and Yahoo agree on buyout price. Gotta admit, we half-expected this prank.

PostgreSQL Ends - They announeced they're going down for good (remind you of anything?)

I hope you were able to see the funny side, I know I did :). For a full listing of all pranks pulled on this date, check our this page. Some events were mistaken for a prank, due to the date, most notably the standardization of Office OpenXML format. I guess they forgot what the date was, like me when I found out KMB was no more and jotted down a post before checking the calendar :P

Software Project Management

An accurate description of the way most projects end up being handled.

Click on the picture to view it in its original size



Credits: LinuxKungFu.org

Bill Gates' Last Day At Microsoft

Check out this funny video about Bill Gates' last day at Microsoft from his 2008 final keynote speech at the Consumer Electronics Show. This really is hilarious! :) Kudos to Bill!


Video: Bill Gates Last Day CES Clip

A Public Service Message

Received this witty SMS today ...

Please don't buy land cruisers with sunroofs. They have LEVERS that can kill you - at least in Pakistan.

A Public Service Message by Brig. (R) Javed Iqbal Cheema

Lost in Semantics

I don't usually post emails on my blog but this one too damn funny! =)

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

Try to understand what your boss trying to say actually

Having started working professional since May of this year, and then reading this list below, I now KNOW how valid these points really are. Read away ...

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "It's not getting done "Atleast not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

My Gmail goes LEET!

:)

For those who don't know what that means, read this.

Peter answers...

We've had this prank going on at work today about PeterAnswers.com. If you haven't seen it yet, then you need to cuz it's great fun and an ideal way to play a prank on friends/family etc. All you gotta do is visit the site where you'll be presented with a petition and a question field. Try going through it normally the first time just to familiarize yourself with the site. Note the colon ":" at the end of each of these queries. This is essential because without it, you will not be able to proceed to the question box. Once you type the phrase and enter the colon your cursor will automatically be in the question box. You can ask any question you like, but you must end it with a question mark "?".

Now, how to pull the prank:

1. Gather a friend or two and sit at the computer. You must be the one typing in order for the prank to work. :)
   
2. Have someone else think of a question. You need to know the question before you type anything.
3. Type a period "." in the "Insert Petition" box. You'll notice that the letter "P" will appear instead of a period.
4. Type in the answer to the question. As you type each letter or number of the answer, the screen will display one more letter of the phrase, "Peter, please answer the following question:" This means no one will know that you're typing the answer to the question, because it looks like you're typing, "Peter, please answer the following question:".
5. Type another period "." when you're done entering the answer. When you type another period, the next letter of the petition phrase ("Peter, please answer the following question:") will appear.
6. Complete the petition phrase. Once you've typed the second period, the actual letters you type will show up on the screen. Now, just finish the phrase, being sure to end it with the colon.
7. Type in the question. Just as above, the cursor will jump to the question box as soon as you enter the colon. Type the question that was asked, and end it with a question mark. Peter will think for a second and then display the answer that you typed.
8. Watch your friends freak out as they see the answer right! If your friends don't know that you typed in the answer, they will be flabbergasted! :). You can probably keep them amazed for quite a while as long as they don't start paying close attention to what your fingers are actually typing ... heh :)

Have fun! ;)

Funny Connecticut Sign

:)

The Impossible Quiz

One of the most annoying yet fun things I've seen on the web in a while. A host of the most meaningless questions you can ever accumulate in one place! Take this quiz and try to finish it if you can! Best of luck! ;)

Here's the URL: http://www.deviantart.com/view/49231637/

P.S. It takes quite a while to load but worry not, it's well worth the wait!